“It is impossible to love another person correctly if you haven’t first loved yourself.”
Now at 28 years old, I'm realizing I’ve had a problem with attachment and not being able to be alone. I remember being 17 years old (entering into my senior year) and still needing my sister, Chiquis, to take me to my first day of school and walk me to my locker. And as cute as that may seem, now that I think about it, it shows me that I didn’t have enough confidence in myself to be alone. Just this year of my life, I’m learning that connection and attachment appear the same, however are very different.
I feel like many of us mix up the two. I did it with almost every romantic relationship I’ve been in since I was 15 years old.
Some of those guys were great, and others very hurtful. The Ironic thing is that I stayed in the dysfunctional relationships the longest. (If you can even call them relationships). Even after being cheated on and going through emotional and mental abuse, I'd “fight” hard for the relationship. WHY?
Because I didn’t have self worth or at least I didn’t know what it was. Id always find myself becoming what that person needed or wanted me to be. Whatever that may have been: Attention or sex or a ride, Someone to vent with whatever. As long as they stayed. Why? Because I found my identity in the person who was standing next to me.
Many times there was no love in these relationships and I knew it but I couldn’t stand the the thought of being alone. I would tell myself “ I’m gonna love them into loving me!”. Attachment will keep you in a miserable relationship and encourage you to settling for less than you deserve. Because you don’t know your worth. I desperately needed someone to love me because I didn’t love myself.
Now that I’m newly single for the first time in my life. ( this is the longest I've been single )
I realize how many heart breaks I could have avoided if I would have just loved myself first.
It is impossible to love another person correctly if you haven’t first loved yourself. And NO one could ever love you into loving yourself. I waited for years for someone to come save me, and it's a beautiful thought to have, but that will only make the attachment to that person stronger. We must learn to stand completely alone before we can join another person. No one should ever complete you. There is no such thing as your other half. Think about what will be left of you, if that person one day is no longer there. Don’t stay attached to someone or settle for less out of fear of being single. Being alone isn’t easy but I promise it's the best investment. Date yourself. Learn about yourself, your passions and the things you don’t like. Work on healing your heart and growing into the very best version of who you were created to be. So when the right person does come you can love them correctly.
- Jacqie
